Are you one with your soul?

I have been in a relationship the same person for 42 years, 3 months, and 2 days. You might say that we have grown up together. Myself and I took our first steps at the exact same moment. We learned to talk the same way. We both wore french braids and saddle shoes. We both gave our hearts to Jesus. We went to the same schools. We kissed Rick Matthews when we were 12. We had the same parents. We wept with conviction at the Summer Convention altar call. We married the same dear man with porcupine quill hair. We laughed at Pee Wee's Big Adventure. We adored hot fudge cakes at Big Boy. We both liked movies with a twist at the end. And, we always read the dictionary before we fell asleep. We were truly soul mates, myself and I.

A sobering thing happened though. As close as we once were, I became unfaithful to myself. I cheated on myself in ways I never thought possible. I disregarded my inner voice. I hardened my heart. I walked away from the core of who I was. And, it has been years since I have sat in peace with myself.

When I think about it, Myself always tried harder than I ever did to keep us together. Myself was good at reinventing us in an attempt to keep me interested, but it never lasted long, because the truth was...I hated Myself.

Each time I caught sight of Myself in the mirror, I would remind that innocent reflection through clenched teeth: "I hate you!" And, I think I really did.

I am fairly certain that one cannot divorce one's self. So, I am seeking a year of reconciliation.

The Hebrew word "raham" means grace. It is not just any grace though. It is a word that means "a merciful and compassionate restoration of a broken relationship." I have wondered recently if the relationship that gets most broken in life is the one we have with ourselves. There is no relationship on earth more important than the one that is kept with the soul for when it is broken, all else fails. Faith, hope, love. And, the greatest of these is love.

Love for yourself is impossible with a splintered soul. No matter how far you run, the relationship that needs you the most is the one inside.

My daily prayer is simply, "raham." It is for me, and it is for anyone else who seeks a merciful and compassionate restoration of a relationship with themselves.