Shorthand

Last night after we climbed into bed, Jim rolled over and bumped his backside against mine.

"Butt check," he declared.

I smiled in the dark. It had been so long since I had heard him say those words. When you have been with someone for 23 years, you forget to remember the shorthand you created when love was fresh and young. And, suddenly, I wanted more than anything to pull those lost phrases, one by one, from the shadows of time.

In the early days, "butt check" was used when there had been a slight stand-off between the two of us. It was used when we wanted to connect, but needed to build a bridge between his side of the bed and mine. With a simple "butt check," you could say you were sorry; and, by accepting a "butt check," you could agree to let go and move forward. A "butt check" smoothed the differences; and, it served as a gentle reminder that we were still playing on "the same team."

Some of my other favorites:

Tapping: Three taps meant "I love you." The correct response was four taps: "I love you too." One very long tap with sufficient pressure meant, "I want you NOW." Our own version of Morse code dotted and dashed us through those early years of marriage. 

Nap clothes: These were the clothes we wore on Sunday afternoon after church to unwind. Sometimes we actually slept in our nap clothes. Sometimes we watched football in our nap clothes. And, almost always we ate Italian subs loaded with hot peppers in our nap clothes. My nap clothes for years consisted of an oversized t-shirt with a Big Boy on the front. 

Buggle: The word "buggle" was born one evening after we had both worked long hours. I was exhausted to the point of tears when Jim leaned over me on his hands and knees to tuck me under the shelter of his body. He said, "Snuggle in, little bug." Snuggle became "buggle." And, so it remains a part of our family lexicon. Jayna told me a couple months ago that she didn't realize it was not a real word until she asked her boyfriend to "buggle" her, and he looked confused.

"I'll say! I am going to start a paper route right now!" This line comes from our favorite movie, Pee Wee's Big Adventure. It is used sparingly when one or the other of us is too fired up about something. It brings a sense of reality about what is important. 

"You're livin' in the 80's!" We've found this phrase to be the quickest way to de-escalate an argument. Its origins are traceable to a heated debate Jim and I were having one day when we stopped at a gas station. As I came around one side of the car, and Jim came around the other, I punctuated my point with an emphatic, "Yeah, well you are livin' in the eighties." The person one pump over burst out laughing and so did we. How could we not?

"M-M-Mayville..." When I get too big for my britches, Jim likes to remind me of the first time I navigated a border crossing as a driver going from Michigan over the bridge into Canada. When asked where I lived, I spoke up loud and answered, "U.S." The border guard rolled his eyes and asked again, "Where do you live?" I stammered, "M-M-Mayville." Ever since then, my hometown of "M-M-Mayville" carries the unspoken subtext of "You are not so tough."

Ours has not been a perfect marriage. On the contrary, there have been times when we would have called it quits if we could have afforded to split. We have lived together, and we have lived separate. And, we have grown in so many ways to be where we are today.

Once in a while though, life reaches across the differences to offer a "butt check," and we would be foolish not to accept it.